Lost

I just looked back at my old posts and I am ashamed to say it has been a year since I wrote anything. Where do you start after a year of nothing? I could start with all that has happened in the last year. I could just hit the high points. Or I could start from right now in this moment and explain why I am starting again.

I have been in a constant struggle lately with myself. I just don't feel like me. I feel as though I have lost who I am and in return have not been the best mother, wife, teacher, friend, etc. that I could or should be. I know everyone goes through lows, but this has been more. I just felt lost. I talked to Klint about it one night and he said he could tell I wasn't happy, but it was up to me to decide what made me happy and what I needed to do to get that back. I really thought about it for a while. What makes me happy? My family does, but I feel like I throw everything into them and at the end of the day, what is left for me? I know that sounds selfish, but I think your time is important. As mothers, I think we all forget about who we were before we had a husband, kids, a job or the other things life throws at us. I think it is easy to get lost in the whirlwind of life.

This past week was spring break for our family. We started the week by saying good bye to Klint's granddaddy. He was a great man! He had four children who gave him 18 grandchildren (I have been nervous to post that number because every time we count we get a different number) and they gave him and his sweet Pam Pam 39 great grandchildren. Amazing! It is hard to say what G-daddy was the most known for. One person said these are the five things he would remember about him. He loved God and the church. He loved his wife Helen (we all called her Pam Pam). He loved his family. He loved Georgia Christian School (the private school where he and most of the family went). The last thing was he loved sports namely GCS basketball. I think for someone to make that kind of impression on people is wonderful and what a legacy to leave. I think the thing that I have enjoyed the most is all the memories Granddaddy had captured of the family. He took pictures of everything. He filmed everything. Our only wedding video is the one that he did. All of this got me thinking "I want that for my kids. I want someone to tell my girls one day, "Your mama loved God. She loved your daddy. She loved you girls. She wrote it all down for y'all  to read."" 

Klint, Me, and Sophie at one of G-daddy's birhtday parties

I love this picture of Klint and his granddaddy. It looks like he is soaking up the moment of loving on his grandchild...

While our spring break had a rocky start, it ended up being a pretty good week. We had family willing to take the girls and we decided to take a night just for the two of us and we headed to the beach...our beach...St. Augustine. On the way, we actually got to talk. We didn't have the girls demanding a juice cup or asking when we were going to be there. We realized in that moment that we had not been on a trip, just the two of us since before Maggie was born. I think it had been almost three years. I hope we can start changing that soon. I told Klint some things that I missed. I missed blogging. I missed doing things just for me. He told me to do it. He said get back to blogging. He said he supported me in whatever I needed to do. I really married a great man! 

On our road trip!

So, I am going to start blogging again, but it lead me to thinking of other things I want to do. So I made a little list of things I could do just for me. (Every time I go to my female doctor she ask me if I have "me" time. She will be happy to know I am putting forth some effort.)

1. Start blogging again. (Got that going right now.)
2. Start studying my Bible more. (I got really good about this and got off track. Plan to change that.)
3. Take a bubble bath, paint my toenails or fingernails, have a pampering night just for me.
4. Find a hobby! (Klint brought it to my attention that I don't have a hobby....and I really don't. Maybe I should change that.)
5. Wake up earlier! (Okay, no scoffing at me please. I read this article and really can see the benefits of waking up early. I am a grumpy guss in the mornings, but on the occasions that I have gotten up because I couldn't sleep anymore, I felt better and I felt like my temperament was better. I guess it is worth a try!)

So I have my plan. I know what I need to start doing and maybe I need to be a little selfish once in a while, but I don't want to feel like I am losing me. I feel like if I am losing me, I am losing my role to the most important people in my life and that can't happen. 

Adventures in Camping

Klint and I went camping in March. We had a long weekend and wanted to do something together (no kids), but not break the bank. I wasn't thinking that it was close to spring break so beach prices were ridiculous and I just hate spending that much on the two of us and not take the girls. So we decided to go camping. I know it is hard to believe that I would agree to go camping, but I am truly a country girl at heart. I love to fish and I love a good bonfire any time. Plus, it was totally my idea! Shocker! There is a lot you don't know about me. May have to do a post about that. Any who, this is how it all went down!

Me and my Sweetie

I tried really hard to not post pictures from our camping trip because I knew I wanted to do a blog post about it. I am very proud of myself that I held out! We stayed at Paradise Public Fishing Area. They only have primitive camping areas and there is not a bath house on the grounds. I figured I could do it for a night, but please don't ask me to do it for a week! It was $10 a night. They allowed animals so we brought Eli. 

Our campsite backed up to a little cove off of one of the ponds. It was perfect because we put the boat in the cove over night. The wood was from Publix (random). We just didn't want to risk not having wood around the campsite. We did find one limb. 

Eli loved camping. He loved the smells and would even venture off and chase birds or squirrels. He rode on the boat with us too. He did really good!

 

Our tent! We really need a new one if we ever plan on taking the girls. I thought this was a funny picture with my leopard print rain boots! There is no reason not be fashionable out in the woods.

In getting ready for camping we looked at different camping things. We bought a percolator just for our trip because we knew we would need coffee. We also bought a few other knick knack things. We did not however buy sleeping bags or an air mattress. The sleeping bags ended up not being a big deal because we stayed warm, but the air mattress was a fatal error...read more below!

We went fishing once we had the campsite set up. 

Turtles in our little cove! 

Klint caught a 2 lb. speckled perch. We kept it for a little while... 

but decided to throw it back because we didn't bring anything to clean it with.

The cove was great! We just pulled the boat on the bank!

For dinner we did foil packs. We did corn on the cob, steak tips, mushrooms, onions, and sausage. It was really good!

Later that night we tried our percolator to see how it worked. It was a bust! I didn't let it go long enough and we waited forever! We decided Starbucks would be on the menu the next morning. Good thing the campgrounds were not far from town. 

We went to bed at 9:00ish PM because we knew we wanted to fish the next day and we wanted to be rested. When we got in the tent we realized our air mattress was wilting. We blew it up. At 11:00 PM we were on the ground. We blew it up again. At 2:00 AM we were on the ground again so we blew it up once more. We blew it up at 5:00 AM when my hip started hurting from sleeping on the ground. At 7:00 AM Klint couldn't take it anymore. I laid there for a second and I was up too. I went to the bathroom area and changed and got breakfast. We were both so tired. Not only did we have the air mattress debacle, but we learned a lot about nature. Geese are nocturnal (honked all night long!). Frogs make creepy sounds. There is a bird that is probably murdered because it sounded like a goose was strangling it at one point. Coyotes howling in the distance are creepy. Hearing raccoon chatter is not a welcome sound.  

Before we left that morning, we went fishing one more time.

I caught a two pound perch! This was before my glasses took a dive into the water and I had to reach up to my elbow in the water to retrieve them! Look at our puppy behind me! 

So, before our next camping trip we know we need a new tent. Ours did fine, but taking the girls would not work. We also need a new air mattress since Klint took a machete to our old one and we threw it away. We also need sleeping bags. We stayed warm, but once we were on the ground it was cold!

It was fun, but it took the rest of the weekend to recover!!! (And yes, we will go camping again, but with the above mentioned items next time!)

Sophie's 5th Birthday!

Sophie is 5 and I just sit in awe watching her! She has grown over night in my eyes. I remember bringing her home and watching her go through her stages and now she is a grown woman....she thinks! :)

I made a fatal error with Sophie and I feel I am making it with Maggie as well. I hope I can fix it with Maggie, but we will see. I have done big parties since she was 1. Why do parents feel this is necessary? I am not even sure I ever had a birthday party except with my family and wasn't really a "party", but I felt just as loved just the same. So this being Sophie's 5th big party, it was a struggle for her to think of a theme! We went from a teaching theme (which I blame her teacher, Melissa Minore, for because she has loved her classroom) to "Hello Kitty!" and finally settled on cheerleading. We did Tift Co. colors and she wore her cheerleading outfit. It was a great day. Here are pictures from the big event! Thanks, Hope Baldwin for taking the pictures! I didn't have a camera at all and it was good just to take everything in!

I went pretty simple with the decorations. We had balloons and I did pom pom balls on the windows.

Sophie wanted cupcakes. I delivered! We had a ton leftover. The suckers came from Oriental Trading. She wanted a sucker more than a cupcake. Also, this year for the party we didn't do finger foods. I just ordered pizza. It was super easy and a lot cheaper than buying all the finger food ingredients and then having to put it together. 

Blue Devils are #1!

I thought this was a sweet picture!

Making her wish!

She had two little friends from school come. They had the best time! The little boy is Justin and they have grown up together. He has a younger brother who is Maggie's age and now they are growing up together. Double weddings one day? Ha ha!

Maggie loves a cupcake!

Opening presents! She loaded up!

We got a bounce house this year. We have done this for every birthday since her second, but last year our neighborhood flooded and we couldn't do one.

A first this year...a pinata! It was a lot of fun for the kids to whack at at it a few times, but Klint had to make the fatal blow. It was a heart one because we bought it for her last birthday, but since it flooded...you get the picture!

I just thought this was so sweet! She loved the bounce house! I guess the tradition will continue! My dad was great and got in it a lot with her. We had the best time!

I'm already trying to prep Sophie that next year is going to have to be smaller. We will see how that goes! She wants a Frozen party, but we still have a lot of time to plan!

A Day in the Country

We have used Hope Baldwin for our pictures since Sophie was 7 months old or so. She is so good with the girls and she genuinely loves them! They are a part of her life as much as she is theirs! We have the best time taking pictures!

This was a big year for pictures. Sophie turned 5 and Maggie is 1. I wanted these to be special! I asked Hope if she minded taking a drive to the country for our pictures. Of course she was totally game and I am so glad. We had lunch together and it was just a relaxed day. We went to my family's land in Lake Park. I have always thought it is so pretty! There are large oaks around a pond. Old barns that belonged to PaPa, and my aunt and uncle live in my granny's old house. I have always wanted pictures taken there. I am so glad Hope was willing!

I had a friend make the girls' tulle dresses. Her name is Chelsea and she has an Etsy shop. You can find it here. She doesn't have the dresses listed, but if you message her, I am sure she can hook you up! She has also made church dresses for the girls and she helped me make a diaper bag. She is currently working on Easter dresses for the girls! I can't wait!

 Here are some of my favorite pictures from the day!

We bought the rocking chair when she turned one. She has grown so much!

I had an idea of putting the picture of my mom with the girls. She never had the chance to take formal pictures with Sophie, a huge regret I have. This was just a way of putting her in a picture with them. Tears were shed!

Love my grandma! She is crazy about the girls too! 

 

Loved this picture of Maggie touching the photo. I think she thought it was an iPad, but it was still sweet!

 

Since Sophie's first birthday we have sent balloons to my mom. We did the same thing with these balloons! Sophie gets so excited about letting them go!

One of my faves! There are so many pictures taken on these steps of all of us! Glad Hope captured this for me!

Five Years of Sophie!

Maggie's 1st Year!

Thank you Hope Baldwin for all the memories!